i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
