Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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