so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
