You just made me feel so damn special
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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