so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
