we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
