We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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