shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry about my life...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
