You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
