so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
