Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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