Betty ford says i'm here all night
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize