i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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