I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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