i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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