school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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