You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize