He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
