Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
