Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
