Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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