Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
