i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
