I was born with a shot glass in my hand
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
