He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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