census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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