You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
