so let's talk penis.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How's work?
Spinning.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
