That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
