I am in a vortex of obligation.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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