The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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