Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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