Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
