I should be sponsored by Trojan
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
