Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
