speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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