eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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