ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
