there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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