i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize