You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
