TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
