last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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