i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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