Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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