i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish you could order shots online.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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