I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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