sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
