i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize