Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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