Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
