i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
