I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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