Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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