I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize