So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
time to smoke my breakfast
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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