im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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