Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
