Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
