I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
