im holly from the hills drunk
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
