smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
