I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
