My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
