Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I AM VODKA MAN
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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