Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize