I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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