Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
