I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Someone shattered a urinal.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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