I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
