ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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