and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize