my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We have started to decorate penises.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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