Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
