Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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