no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
