he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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