btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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