time to smoke my breakfast
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
