You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
