i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize