I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The air taste purple.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
