i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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