Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
