when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
