So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
