did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
