I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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