the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
