I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
