I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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