So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This is my gift to your gina
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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