Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Someone came in the potted fern
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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