Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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