someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
