So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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