I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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