after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
