He uses pillows to masturbate.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
