im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
