I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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