Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Enjoy the penises
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
