no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Houston, we have a squirter
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize