Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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