Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
