ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
