meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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