Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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