Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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