so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
