If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
