Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize