Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
