Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize