She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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