I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
