he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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