he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize