i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's rum buckets o'clock
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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