don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
