She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
