her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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