I cannot find my penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
