yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
