How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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