the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
