In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
