i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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