So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
