he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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