he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
