I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
