happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
